Faithless
by Moonlit Queen
Summary: An addict and a liar are both equally to blame. They wished from the bottom of their hearts that they had kept all of their promises that they had sworn to keep, but how could they?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Hope awoke slowly; becoming re-acquainted with his new surroundings. He had wanted to believe that everything that had crashed in his world was just a dream. That he was still on speaking terms with his boyfriend, Noel. He wished from the bottom of his heart that they had kept all of their promises that they had sworn to keep. How could they? Noel had become an addict and Hope had become a liar. Both equally wrong for their relationship together to thrive. Hope's breathing slowed as he realized that the nightmare he had been in the middle of was just a dream. His dreams always came back to Noel because he wanted to hate the other man, but at the same time he was truly still in love with him. Hope had recently started to believe that Noel was the source to his problems; the questions and the answers. A part of him knew that he was also to blame for their relationship troubles.

Hope's emerald eyes focused on the décor of the room; not that there was anything that you could call décor. It was pretty much a white abyss. The floors, the walls, the sheets: all were white. He didn't have a roommate because he was deemed not able to cope with anyone. His lack of trust led him to being antisocial to everyone, even when his parents called for the ten minutes he was given to talk to them. He wouldn't say a word. Noel called once, but Hope had refused to talk to him, as he listened to his boyfriend tell him that he still loved him and he was sorry for everything. Noel always had a habit of blaming everything on himself; a trait that could lead anyone to madness. They both wondered how their simple romance became something so horrid.

A worker started to bang on Hope's door telling him that breakfast would be in about twenty minutes. The loud noise startled Hope, causing him to fall from the bed onto the cold floor. He didn't make an attempt to move. He just stared off into space again as he stared underneath his bed; a memory became an image on the blank walls.

-0-

"Happy Seventeenth Birthday Hope!" His family was celebrating his birth. It was a sweet day all around. They loved him and wanted to spend the last year together before he left them to start his adult life. Everyone thought he was going to be a successful person, but in the end he chose a path that no one had foreseen. Later that day, Noel, who at the time was a close friend, decided that he wanted to join in the celebrations. He asked Hope to meet him at a park that was near both of their houses. Hope said yes to that idea in a heartbeat. Why wouldn't he? He remembered running to the park as fast as his legs could carry him. He hadn't seen Noel in quite some time, considering it was summer vacation.

He saw Noel in plain sight sitting on a swing waiting for him. His heart pounded. At the time, Hope had a slight crush for his friend, but he thought he would never have the words to tell him. Hope surprised Noel by sneaking up behind him and hugging him around his waist. Noel didn't even jump at the sudden affection, but just smiled widely. He slowly brought his hands up to rest on top of Hope's; stroking the other's fingers slightly. Hope blushed as they stayed like that. He pressed his cheek against Noel's back waiting for the other to pull away.

"Happy Birthday, Hope Estheim," Noel finally said. Hope grinned and thanked the other. Noel Kreiss was a year younger than him, sixteen years of age. Hope decided to release his grip on the other, thinking that maybe he was being too obvious about his feelings. Noel turned around and reached out, grabbing the other's pants loop that fit around his hips perfectly. Hope gasped at the sudden movement. Before he knew it the other had stood and pressed his pink lips to the older boy. Hope closed his eyes as the other took control of the kiss; slightly bring his hands to his cheek in the process. When they pulled apart they stared into each other's eyes before Noel quickly looked down at his feet and apologized. Hope shook his head to show that he had nothing to be sorry about.

"I… I'm sorry; I just wanted to do that for such a long time now."

"Noe-, I'm glad."

-0-

Five minutes passed and the banging from the Mental Hospital's employee started again. Hope came back to reality, the memory fading away as he proceeded to get ready for his average day at his new home. He pulled a sweater over his head and brushed his teeth. He stared at his reflection in the small mirror that was nailed into the wall. He had dark bags underneath his eyes and he could see that his hair had thinned slightly. His eyes didn't shine as bright as they used to. His head pounded, but he couldn't keep medicine in his room due to the fear that he could commit suicide with those. He had tried to commit suicide before, so the hospital knew to keep watchful eye on him before he even walked into their doors for the first time. He remembered that he tried to take a knife to his wrist and bleed out in the kitchen, but his little sister had walked in. She was devastated and the tears instantly came down, as she tried to find the voice to scream for help from their parents. He spat at the mirror out of self-hate. His reflection made him sick to his stomach. There was another bang on the door, the doorknob slowly turned, as the employee from earlier unlocked it. She slowly cracked the door and looked through it, before she could come in; Hope had wiped the spit off of the mirror with his sleeve. He wanted to avoid any conversations about it. He lined up with the other patients against the wall.

-0-

**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed this. I had this story going a long time ago and then deleted it, but something just made me really want to rewrite it, so I did! Honestly, I don't know how many people remember the original story since I had abandoned it at chapter 3 and took it down, but I hope you like the new version. If you have anything you want to tell me please don't be shy! Also, the other story I have going isn't being abandoned… I'm trying to work out an updating schedule so I write and update both (hopefully it works!)

**Warning: **As most of my stories turn out to be… this isn't some happy walk in the park ; _; this story will and has mature themes. For instance, Violence, sex, and drugs/alcohol, and is rated M for a reason. Please take that into account before reading this story.

**Disclaimer:** I didn't forget to put one this time! These characters are not mine, they belong to **Square Enix**, however, the plot is mine (:


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Noel sat silently in the apartment that he once shared with Hope. They had been inseparable for the longest time, until Hope decided that he would listen to his family's suggestion of checking himself into a mental hospital. Noel threw his palms to his head to quietly think. What had he done? Was this all his fault? He kept replaying their first kiss in his head; he remembered the meaning that it held. He thought that if he never kissed Hope that day then nothing would have happened. He would've still been on talking terms with his boyfriend and they wouldn't have been able to hurt each other the way they had.

Noel reached for the things that kept them apart. His fingers slowly curling around the bottle of alcohol on the bed stand. He had gotten into underage drinking after their first fight. His lips parted as the contents reached his lips. Was any of that worth losing Hope over? He wished that he paid more attention to his boyfriend when he had the chance to. He wanted to call Hope again, but he knew that he didn't want him to call again. This was a mistake that he couldn't fix; that was the part that bothered him the most. He knew that Hope hated every bone in his body now.

-0-

"Hope, please just listen to me. I'm sorry that I let this get in between us. I should've paid more attention to you instead of these damn drinks and drugs. It messed with me, especially that one night."

"Which one night, there were plenty of nights where it went to your head? Are you referring to the night you smacked me into the coffee table, the night you ignored me, or are you talking about the night you forced me to-?" He couldn't bring himself to finish the rest of his sentence.

"…I regret… no, I wish that I didn't do any of those things to you Hope. You are way too beautiful; I just want you to forgive me for everything."

"I… we've talked about this before Noel."

"Hope, I'm not the only one who caused this simple relationship to go sour. What about you, huh? Are you really going to stand there and tell me that you are innocent from hurting me?" Hope didn't answer him, but instead just went silent. He knew that he had to share the blame, but he just couldn't bring himself to it.

"You lied to me over and over again; I couldn't believe anything that you told me! Honestly, I still can't believe a word you say to me. You cheated on me; you cut and told me it was my fault. You can act innocent all you want, but this is not all my fault."

"Don't ever call me again. I'm tired of listening to you, Noel. "

"See you're doing it again. You cut me out of your life, even though we are supposed to be there for each other."

"I have to go."

"Hope wait-"

The phone line went silent. Noel threw his cellphone across the room; it hit the closet with a loud bang. At that moment he didn't care if it broke. "I love you," he whispered as the tears crept down his cheek; hitting the floor with quiet drops.

-0-

He thought that he could convince Hope to come back home, to him through that phone call. Instead, Hope had told him to never call again. Noel prayed that he didn't actually mean that, but was just saying that in the moment of the argument because he was angry. The bottle that he clenched was now completely empty. He looked down at it. Losing Hope over that seemed stupid to him. He threw the bottle at the ground, thousands of little pieces of the glass shattered. He glared at his reflection in each shard. He looked at how dull he looked now. He barely went outside anymore since Hope left. He just sat inside and drowned his sorrows in whatever he could get his hands on. He grabbed a cigarette and lit it. Instead of smoking it that day, he just stared at it. He watched the butt burn and become black. He watched as it broke off into the ash tray after it became small. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"It looks just like our relationship, huh Hope?" He laughed slightly; it was forced, but the noise was audible. He wanted to change for himself, his family, and for his Hope, but he didn't know how to quite do that.

**A/N:** I don't quite know why I never posted this it was literally sitting on my computer for like the last year… I'm super sorry for the long wait. Thank you for the reviews even though I haven't been here!

Yay for being done with basically what you could call background information/ present day shit. I'm just so glad, now we can move on to what actually happened the last few years that led them to this time. I just thought since I wrote a chapter about how Hope was that there should be one about Noel.


End file.
